HOLLYWOODIZE THAT SHIT

We all love movies, right? But how do the movies writers come up with  all those ingenious original plot lines?  I am going to show you how (you’re welcome) by coming up with some hot movie premises simply by using the power of observation.

I take a mundane event in my fabulous life, and I hollywoodize that shit.

Mundane event #1

Bus driver stops bus mid-journey, and jumps off to do his shopping (turns out he really needed some polos).

HOLLYWOODIZE THAT SHIT.

Good_Samaratin_bus_3497986b

Bus driver jumps off bus to run away from THE BOMB he has hidden on the bus. Luckily one of the passengers is ex – CIA bomb expert Rock McHarddon who, despite his drink problem and recent bitter divorce, manages to diffuse the bomb with the assistance of sexy passenger, Leslie McFlufftits (who is probably a school girl or something).

He helps her tracks down the First Western bomb explosion network – a bunch of bitter ex-bus drivers who have had enough of youths being noisy, and people handing them a tenner for a bus ticket and expecting change.

Rock’s son Steve McNerdButt sees him on the TV being all heroic (but he’s probably mistaken for a terrorist at first, because he knows so much about the bus drivers plans, even though he is all like ‘IM EX-CIA.’ The police are like ‘and I’m Farah Fawcett.’) and Steve is like ‘My dad is cool.’ He and Leslie fall in love, even though he is clearly 15 years older than her.

Mundane event #2

I drank my coffee real quick and felt a little bit sick sick.

 

HOLLYWOODIZE THAT SHIT.

Sexy but super serious young forensic expert Strudle McBooblips is chatting with her best gal pal Christine McSassyFriend about men (FAILING THE BECHDEL TEST INSTANTLY). Strudle never puts out because men are lame, and Christine loves putting out, and letting people put in. Strudle just wants to be the best damn forensic expert there is, to make her dead father proud. He died when she was a kid – he got shot in a Tescos Metro during a robbery gone wrong. Strudle blames herself (as she should) because he only stopped to buy the latest edition of Smash Hits for her. They sip

They sip their coffees and laugh about all the veneral diseases Christine has WHEN SUDDENLY. Christine dies horribly. Oh no. There was poison in that coffee and Strudle McBooblips has to forensic the shit of out this. Before everyone is being poisoned by all coffee. AND SHE DOES. Oh, and she forgives herself, falls in love with some dude and British people are all mostly safe because THE TEA IS FINE.

Mundane event #3

I saw a cat, which was pretty fat.

HOLLYWOODIZE THAT SHIT.

Super plucky but constantly bullied teenager Travis McDweebersome notices that his cat is fat. Real fat. Like she is pregnant. But wannabe vet Travis is sure that she is too old for that –  she has gone through catopause. He tells his mum about it, but his mum is all like ‘you and your weird cat pregnancy theories. Why do you have no friends?’ However, the cat eventually gives birth to an ALIEN… CATS…evil ones and… sub in the rest of independence day or ET.

Mundane event #4

I saw a cat, which was pretty fat.

HOLLYWOODIZE THAT SHIT.

Some dude on the street was checking out my butt. Possibly. Or maybe it was the gum I had stuck to my trousers. Either way – Hollywoodizeeeee

Ladies man Cheese McToastie loves the ladies, and one fine summer day he is checking them all when he notices one mighty fine toosh indeed. He gawps at it openly, but ends up walking straight into a pillar because crime doesn’t pay. He wakes up in an ambulance, as an attractive (but in a relatable way) paramedic (think Hollywood relatable though, like Alison Brie. Totally gorgeous but we all pretend she’s normal looking) is cleaning up his bleeding face. The paramedic Lucy McPLAINface chastises him for being such a scoundrel when it comes to the ladies. He needs to take a good hard look at his life. He comes out of hospital and he does. He throws away all his porn and is like Lucy, Marry me! I have changed. She is like, sure.

THE END

 


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