What dazzled me today?

I regret to inform you of anything.

What dazzled me today?

A woman with a handmade t shirt declaring ‘only regret what you have never done – not what you have,’ in large purple letters.

That’s fine.

Sure.

Good point.

I guess.

But it’s written in biro, and the letters are unevenly spaced.

She was going to get it printed at one of those custom made t shirt shops but ran out of time. The terrible deed, which she now justifies in capital letters on an off white t shirt, has already been committed. She did something so unspeakably evil last night that the only way to forgive herself was to pretend it was in line with her new ‘do or die’ attitude this morning, lest anyone judge her.

She meant to live a life without regret, so don’t you fucking judge her.

Bunch of repressed white collar upstarts who will die without having sky dived into the mouths of sharks. Bunch of anally retentive losers who married their first love and never spoke up when asked if they would like their hair pulled. Bunch of menu routinists, who never stray from the number 62 and a waiter who knows their families family and brings them green olives without needing to ask. Bunch of deliberately worded speech givers who said what they thought their audience wanted to hear and not what they actually wanted to say, and rewrite that speech again and again begging not to retire because they don’t like to garden and who thought buying them a trowel was a good idea. Bunch of map reading distance measurer’s stopping in coffee shops and churches and tapas bars and shaking their heads profusely when faced with a dark alley or the possibility of a swim at midnight safety first don’t even know their alive traditionalists who will never know the taste of a spoonful of cinnamon.


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